Haiku Seeking Edits & Responses 1—Haiku from Memory Writing

Global Haiku Tradition--Haiku Attempts 1, PACE 2003
(favored versions in red letter)


warm summer day
photo of me
in my Dad's arms

or

warm summer day
last photo of me
in my Dad's arm
s

warm summer day
photo of me in Dad's arms
the week he died

Kris Wolbers


songs of the past
played once again—
without saying goodbye

or

songs of the past
played once again—
no chance to say goodbye

huddled together
around the new grave
chilly October rain

or

huddled together
around the new grave
cold October rain

musty leaves at
Aunt Rosalie's graveside
humming Amazing Grace

Kathy Cuttill


summer day
grandma's attic
blue chiffon . . . cinderella dreams

creak of wooden stairs
to grandma's attic . . .
the blue chiffon prom dress

or

creak of wooden stairs
to grandma's attic . . .
blue chiffon princess dress

or

creak of wooden stairs
to grandma's attic . . .
blue chiffon cinderella dress

sisters in the attic . . .
old prom dress zipper
stuck

Nicky Bachtold

dusty attic
the sweep of a prom dress
on her daughter

(Dr. Brooks spin off)


compassion and strength
in my weakest moments
I turn to him

or

dark sky . . .
in my weakest moment
I turn to him

tornado sky
rattles the windows . . .
my husband's hand

or

tornado sky
rattles the windows . . .
my husband's calming hand

Amanda Stanckiewitz


a son's response—
facial expressions
reflected in the water

or

a son's response —
his reflection
mirrored in mine

or

business questions . . .
my son's facial expressions
in the truck window

or

business question—
a son's frustration
father's sigh

Jim Devereux


summer's end
restless feet
expanding minds

or

summer's end
restless feet
on the school bus

or

summer's end
restless feet
under the desks

Tom Pruser

back in school
shuffling new tennis shoes
beneath his desk

or

back in school
scuffing new tennis shoes
beneath his desk

(Dr. Brooks spin off)


Grandma's kitchen—
canned cucumbers
line the countertop

slicing cucumbers
at the kitchen sink

Cardinals on the radio

or

peeling cucumbers
at her kitchen sink
ballgame on the radio

Angie Short


just me and my Dad
going fishing
morning dew soaking our shoes

rolling mist across the lake
a man and his boy
together at last

or

rolling mist across the lake
father and son
together at last

or

rolling mist
across the lake
a fisherman and his son

Pat Donnelly


the Louisianna swamp
looking for gators
the boys stare

or

Louisianna swamp
looking for gators
the boys stare

or

Louisianna swamp
looking for gators
the kids stare

the swamp
looking for gators
we find turtles

or

looking for gators
in the swamp water
a turtle on a turtle

or

looking for gators
a turtle on a turtle
on a log

Steve Wilson


soft, quiet rain
long procession of cars
prayer, song, memories

or

long procession of cars
in the soft rain
quiet sniffles

casket slowly lowered
the soft rain
on our umbrellas

Leslie Risby


a long book
. . . found comfort
in the wind

or

late night
with my Bible . . .
the fan flips a page

reading the old testament
in two days . . .
mother's quiz

Igentry Wilson


tree of paradise
in the side yard
catching fireflies

children laughing
     under trees of paradise
     fireflies

Frank Brannock

trees of paradise
in the back yard
dog snaps at a firefly

or

trees of paradise
in the back yard
puppy nips at a firefly


piercing hail
against hard hat—
nothing but silence

or

watching the storm
in our hard hats—
stinging hail

or

hail bouncing off
our hard hats
then the silence

or

Dad and I watch the storm
in our hard hats
the silence after hail

John LaFollette


morning in bed
with Nana
first cup of tea

or

tea in bed
with my grandma . . .
very English

or

morning talk
in bed with Nana . . .
a cup of tea

short summer night
grandpa offers grandma:
"a cuppa, love?
"

Michelle Ground


snow day—
snuggling under a quilt
with my children

or

school cancelled
the girls climb into my bed
to snuggle under a quilt

or

school cancelled
the girls climb under my quilt
to snuggle

Kim Tish


fireflies captured
freed at
bed time

or

bed time
the canning lid unscrewed
to free the fireflies

or

firefly jar opened . . .
go home,
sleep with your family

or

jelly jar opened . . .
go home, firefly,
sleep with your family

Sheri Brown


after the fireworks
God's show
of distant lightning

or

after the fireworks
God's lightning
a distant show

waiting for fireworks
popcorn thunderstorms
all around

in the back of the truck
swatting mosquitoes
fireworks start

Becky Buchanan


© 2003, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.