Haiku Seeking Edits & Responses 3

Global Haiku Tradition--Haiku Attempts 3, PACE 2003
(edit & make variations for 2-3 squares)


a lazy summer afternoon by our pool
ice cold beer
skinny dipping

or

afternoon at the pond
ice cold beer
skinny dipping

or

summer afternoon
ice cold beer
skinny dipping

or

a lazy summer afternoon
ice cold beer
skinny dipping

the fresh smell of pine trees
newly fallen snow
time to tag the tree

or

the fresh smell of pine
newly fallen snow
time to tag the tree

cold, granite tombstone
picking off dead leaves
memories of father

or

cold, granite tombstone
dead leaves drifting by
memories of father


crackling fire glows
snow falling gently
knitting needles clicking together

dandelions
open windows
gentle wind on my face

or

dandelions
open windows
gentle wind

or

dandelions dance
through the open windows
gentle wind on my face

gleaming spokes in the sun
long dusty road
sweat dripping into eyes

or

the bike gleaming in the sun
long dusty road
sweat dripping into eyes


Warm sun on my face
gentle breeze caresses my skin
distant church bells . . . peace.

Old wooden gate in the summer morn
overgrown bushes all around
a cardinal calls to his mate.


Lighting bugs flash
throughout dark skies,
potatoes roll from wheel-barrel

or

lighting bugs flicker
throughout dark skies,
potatoes roll from wheel-barrel

Autumn leaves, chance meeting
second chance at love
heaven sent


Bundled up tight
Snow squeaks with each step
Light from a distant window

or

bundled tight
snow squeaks
light from a distant window

Bright vibrant leaves
Crisp air blowing
Smoldering fires along the road


neighbors knock frantically
the sky roars
a frightened family

green clouds
rain rain rain
a light show with sound


vacuuming the pine needles
adding water
still they fall

or

adding water
still they fall
vacuuming pine needles

or

vacuuming the pine needles
constant watering
still they fall

popping tar bubbles
so hot
it felt so good

or

tar bubbles popping
swelting hot
summer's entertainment


snowflakes dance
across picture window
hot chocolate

or

the picture window
shows a snowflake dance
hot chocolate and marshmallows

Windows framed with ice
Fire glowing bright
Supper is almost ready

or

frosted windows
fire glowing bright
stew on the stove


blistery chill
the endless driveway slopes
the shovel grows smaller

or

blustery chill
the endless driveway slopes
the shovel grows smaller

or

blistery chill
the endless driveway slopes
the shovel disappears

sun sizzles on the sidewalk
the dog finds his spot
stretching and rolling

or

sizzling summer day
a dog asleep
under the willow tree

or

sizzling summer day
the dog finds his spot
under the willow

or

sun warmed sidewalk
the dog spot

stretching


cold winter night
man and boy walk through woods
searching for owls

or

cold winter night
walking through the woods
searching for owls

hot still day
cow lays in shade
by cool pond

cool afternoon
farmer busy in field
as geese move south


A weak barren twig
Holding on with all its might—
Oh, the burden of snow

or

a weak barren twig
holding on
with all its might, snow

Snow boots at the back door—
I inhale the scent of chocolate and marshmallows


In sinking mud
Beautiful flowers
With gleaming petals

or

flowers
gleaming petals
in sinking mud

Sliding on a frozen pond
Watching tree limbs fall
While listening to snow plows


Waves crashing in the dark
The cool sand in my toes
Discovering the big dipper

Warm summer nights
Light cool breeze
Crackling wood in the campfire

or

warm summer night
light cool breeze
crackling of the campfire

Beer in my hand
The crack of a bat
The cheer from the crowd


Lazy summer days
floating down the river
no care in the world

or

Lazy summer day
floating down the river
no care in the world

or

Lazy summer days
floating with the river
no care in the world

or

Lazy summer days
floating down the river
carefree

or

Lazy summer days
floating down the river
not a care in the world

the lighthouse stands
on jagged rock
smooth sailing

or

the lighthouse stands
on jagged rock
sailboats in the path


Follow the steps of snow
Wander late among the darkness
Stars lead the way

The smell of grape
under the grape harbor
children play


children scream and run
in the autumn night
kick the can

or


children scream and run
in the autumn night
kicking the old can

snow packed hill
filled with toboggans
the rusted barrel glows bright


hot summer morning—
sunlight filters softly
through the branches of the old oak

or

summer morning—
sunlight filters softly
through branches of the old oak

father and son
walking through the snow
twice as many small footprints

or

father and son
walking in the snow
twice as many small footprints


brittle leaves
crunching under our feet
Indian corn on the back door

or

brittle leaves
crunch under our feet
Indian corn on the back door

leaning back from the fire
arm outstretched
marshmallows roasted to perfection

or

leaning back from the fire
arm outstretched
perfect roasted marshmallows


© 2003, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.