tips once callused
have been dulled
softened by distance
and neglect
knowledge remains

very close! I can't quite tell if this is a guitar player. context?

tips once callused
are now dulled
softened by distance
and neglect; but
they remember the strings

playing word games
we try on different masks
i pretend to be a magician
suspending time
long enough to watch you grow

playing games
we try on different masks
i'm a fox
suspending time long enough
to watch you grow

variations welcome

magic trick,
words masking my intent
I suspend
time
to watch you grow

the lights flicker--
shadows dance
on the walls--
i'm content, here
in your arms

rearrange the first half furniture (too many pauses, stops) make the part before the turn one phrase. simplify

flickering light
and dancing shadows
paint a story
on our wall
I'm alive in your arms

I hope that by editing this tanka I can bring a new sense to it. Adding the word alive really connects well with dancing and flickering. I hope it can bring vibrancy and even more life to this tanka.

shadows dance
along our walls
under flickering lights--
I'm content,
here in your arms

I'm content, here
in your arms
as lights flicker
our shadows dancing
through the walls

On the walls
the lights flicker
and shadows dance--
i'm content, here
in your arms

the lights flicker--
shadows dance
on the walls
I'm content here--
in your arms

shadows dance
on the walls,
lights flicker--
i'm content, here
in your arms

flickering lights
shadows dance on the walls
in your arms
i am content
to stay

The text is typed
but shadows create doubt
and computers
leave no
ghosts

i like this one and maybe it should remain as is. but and bother me a little. and i wonder if a hint of what kind of text might make a difference. be careful editing this one. it's fragile and interestingly mysterious

That love song, long erased
you will never know
because computers
leave no
ghosts

The text is typed
with shadows that create doubt--
Computers
leave no
ghosts

The text of my departure is typed
but shadows create doubt
and computers
leave no
ghosts

the text is typed
and shadows create
but computers
leave no
ghosts

So, Lately,
I've been noticing how girls have been
raising their standards
more and more each day.
I blame Social networks and tv
and shit.

great voice. just tighten phrasing. try a shorter version but don't lose the attitude!

lately
girls have
high standards
constantly rising
drowning me

This tanka was already really good and I decided to make it shorter. I changed a little bit of the mood in it as well. I hope that it may read with more fluidity and still give emotion. It is now five lines as well.

Lately, I've noticed
the rising standards of
so many girls--
social networks and television
have ruined us all

Noticing girls,
clown faces . . .
raising their standards
I blame social networks
TV and shit

So, Lately,
I've noticed how girls
raise their standards
more and more each day
I blame tv
and shit.

lately I've been noticing
girls raising their standards
more and more each day
I blame social networks and tv
and shit.

So, lately
girls seem to be raising
their standards with each
passing day.
fuck you, facebook.

just one sign
to tell me I chose right
because every day
I feel like I chose
wrong

good emotional expression but lacking a sense of context - where, why, or how? put us somewhere

just one sign
to tell me I'm right
to climb the walls
that trap me
inside

I hope I added a little more depth to this tanka. I think by adding a wall, it can give the reader a bit of imagination. They can imagine what kind of wall, or what does the wall symbolize.

just one sign
the closer the day
this feels more wrong
let a string loose
my white expensive dress . . .

just one sign
to tell me I chose right
whenever I am alone
I feel like I chose
wrong

i search the highways
in your eyes for a sign
that this is right . . .
WRONG WAY!!
. . . we collide in the night